Week 8 Pride

Well done, John Gottman, you got me this time! With subtitles like: "Anything you say, Dear", "What Husbands Can Learn from Wives" and "Emotionally Intelligent Husbands", I thought  this week would all be about the man in the marriage. Confession; at one point I might have internally cheered Gottman on for laying it on the husbands who would be reading his book. 

Many of the direction in chapter four was toward men and suggested that allowing their wives to influence them would assist in avoiding pride.  This simple suggestion had me puffed up and feeling pretty smug. Upon this realization of the double standard I was creating,  I was able to shift gears a bit and go back to re-read and apply the direction personally. While Gottmans suggestions are an invitation and wise advice to husbands, they apply to wives as well. 

Gottman describes emotional intelligence to be the next step in social evolution. Emotional intelligence is something that all family members can develop. He points out that the simplicity of honoring and respecting while conveying that same respect is emotional intelligence. As a mother, I have an opportunity to help my sons to recognize the healthy approaches to intimate relationships. This starts with the way that I treat their father. Emotional coaching our children is understanding and respecting our own emotions and the emotions of others around us. 

The definition of an emotionally intelligent husbands is someone who, "...makes a detailed map of his wife's world. He keeps in touch with his admiration and fondness for her. And he communicates it by turning toward her in his daily actions."