Week 2 Restoring My Marriage

I was standing in the kitchen when my 16 year old son shared with me what he wanted for his future. He was optimistic and beaming with the idea of being an independent adult with a career and a wife with children. It was a mother’s dream to hear these words and for a few minutes I could see my future self as the doting grandma to a crew of little ones. That feeling was fleeting when he blurted out that his idea of marriage was not what his dad and I had. He named couples that were examples of the ideal marriage, a strong and loving partnership. I agreed, these were some pretty amazing couples…some family and some friends, all who I had been envious of at times. I agreed, I wanted what they had as well and I wanted it not only for myself, but for my son.

This moment in my life was pivotal.

Challenging the resilience of my children was not my intention, however it was the result of the separation in my marriage. I had seen the effects of this on them emotionally and socially while I anticipated more to come. There were many meetings with teachers and administrators, the school psychologist and the Bishop of our ward. All because I saw our children declining and derailed by the pending end of our marriage.

I was heartbroken for myself, the kids and even my husband. You never anticipate the end of something that began so beautifully and lasted for so long.  I remember wavering in my decision and while I knew that ultimately and justifiably it was mine, I had pleaded in prayer for a feeling of peace and confidence. Then it was there…do everything you can do to live without regret.

Like Elder Oaks says, “When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it.” This week I remembered the advice of Elder Oaks and the witness that I received that there were signs of life still in our marriage…it was not yet dead.

During the challenges of our marriage we became overwhelmed with the burdens of life and lost sight of the sweetness of our marriage. The stress and inability to cope lead to the deterioration of our relationship and our dependence on anything but each other. Our marriage not only needed resuscitation, but it required a redidication.

It started with a commitment, that despite our disappointment(s) with each other, we would not allow our negative thoughts or opinions to be heard or seen by our kids. While I made a strong effort to be kind and positive, for them, over time I started to see him differently. It helped me to recognize his strengths and offer forgiveness for his weaknesses. This promise was the beginning of the change of heart I had for him and our reconciliation.