Week 13 In-Law Relationships

• I sat next to my mother-in-law for the first time in the temple a few weeks ago. It has taken 22 years to come to this point; years of patience, love and forgiveness. When I met my husband, he had not lived with or spoken to his parents since the age of 14. I understood immediately that the differences in our family dynamics would be challenging, but I lovingly accepted him and had patience for the situation. It was important for us that he was not pressured or pushed into reconciling with his parents and I honored that. 

  In the early stages of our marriage, we were committed to forming a strong family bond between the two of us. There was an immediate acceptance and inclusion for my husband from my extended family which helped to support our relationship and build his confidence of family. A few years later, our son was born and this transition in our family initiated forgiveness and reconciliation between my husband and his parents. We discussed and agreed on boundaries that would help him to gradually move forward in having ongoing contact with them. 

  I followed my husbands lead with patience to know when the time was right that we would extend our family to be more involved and connected to his parents. It was a slow and thoughtful approach, but now that we have regular contact and communication with them, it has helped them to know that we value our relationship with them. According Harper and Olsen,  "Research shows that when daughters-in-law disclose information about themselves, communicate openly, accept differences, use empathy, and push for a relational connection, they can have high quality relationships with mothers-in-law. Being forceful, angrily avoiding, taking sides, and not accepting differences leads to poor in-law relationships."

  I have found joy in getting to know my mother-in-law and developing a relationship with her. The ties to our families are eternal and sitting next to my mother-in-law in the temple reminds me of that sacred bond that we can share.

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